As you may have guessed by now, I'm Amy...
I started this blog as a place to keep my fake journal.
Why did I start a fake journal?
The truth is someone I loved very much committed suicide. His death had an immeasurable impact on my life. And, after a long while, I am at a place where I can breath again. I don't think about him constantly...obsessively...like I used to. I've come to understand that my life goes on. I'm in about the healthiest place I can be. But that doesn't mean I don't think about him still.
I questioned myself extensively before I started this project, as to whether this was a way to honor his memory or if it was just a pathway back to obsession for me. In the end, what I realized was that I had the power to give both of us a happy ending. And everybody deserves a happy ending.
And I thought about the fact that maybe something I share here could help someone on the edge to see that the choice they are prepared to make doesn't just stop their life, it stops the lives of people around them. Even when you don't see it clearly, there are people who love you and care about you deeply. There is always a different way, a better way, to change your situation.
The life that I write about, I don't get to live this life. The only person I have ever truly loved, he doesn't get this life either. And that's sad, because it could have been beautiful.
There's an AA saying that goes 'an alcoholic is the person that takes a drink five minutes before the miracle'...in other words, no one knows what's around the corner. If I can help one person to hold out for their 'miracle'...I can't tell you how much that would mean to me...more than words could ever say.
The point of this blog is to honor the person I loved...and to give a happy ending. A beautiful story for me, but, more importantly, maybe a beautiful life for someone else.
If you or someone you know is having trouble, please talk to someone. Don't miss your miracle.
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