April 3, 2011

"She kept seeing his face."

Leonard was here when I got home tonight.  Him and that girl he's been dating got into a fight.  Again.

He was sitting on the couch watching Andy play some dumb video game.  When I walked past them, he held up a handful of Roxies and some other pills...I don't know what they were...and asked if he could do them here.

In the past, I've always told him that he was welcome at the house, but not his pills.  In all the years I've known him, he's never tested me on the issue before.  As a matter of fact, he quit for a long time...he only started again when he and that dumb cow got together.

Normally, I'd have done something different...at the very least, I'd have stood my ground and told him not in my house.  But I had the worst day and I wasn't thinking and I just blurted out "Do what you want.  I don't care what you do."

I just wasn't in the mood for it.  I went in and sat down at the computer and payed bills while Andy played his game and Leonard did his druggie thing.  But the more I thought about it, the more it bothered me.  I kept going back and forth trying to decide whether to say something or not.  I didn't want to start a fight with Andy, I was already in a bad mood.  I couldn't decide.

So I sat there, trying to pay bills, but not getting any of them done because something was just yelling at me to speak up.  And that went on til Leonard was ready to go.

I don't know what made me do it...just that nagging feeling, I guess.  But when he peeked his head around the corner to say bye, I got up and hugged him as hard as I could.  I told him not to ever even think about asking to do that crap in my house again.  We care about what happens to him.  I said: "I don't want to see you waste your life.  You're worth much too much for that."

He looked at me for a minute with the oddest expression on his face.  Then he leaned back in, hugged me hard and kissed me on the cheek, said 'see you next time' and headed out.

Since he left, I keep thinking about the strange expression he had on his face.  I can't concentrate on anything else.  I just keep seeing that look on his face when I said he was worth too much to waste his life.  It's like it's been seared into my mind...